Toxic Behaviors in Filipino Families in Modern Times | PhilippinesBoss (2022)

The family is undoubtedly an integral part of everyone’s life, but even more so here in the Philippines, where tradition has established the value of their close relationship with their family. In fact, most Filipino families are so intimate that they rarely mean only a direct family: mother, father, or sibling. Instead, they can also mean it to include their relatives or the whole family clan.

They say growing up in a Filipino family is more frequently than not a fun experience — the karaoke and sing-a-long sessions with yourtitosandtitas (uncles and aunts) andthe weekendsalo-salowhile playing with your cousins. However, it usually does not come without a fair amount of drama.

I am not saying this happens to each family for every Filipino, but, yes, it happens! And while misunderstandings and quarrels within the family are somehow normal, what if someone in your family member is, unfortunately, toxic? We all know there is a love and hate relationship we all have with our families.

We have all experienced the struggle between saying and doing what we actually know is expected of us V.S. what we personally feel we should say or do. It’s basically one of the reasons why meeting some family members during vacation is so annoying sometimes.

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You’re Wrong, I’m right (Papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ako)

Have you actually tried to have a rational conversation with a family member of an older generation? It is practically impossible to make a point without being instantly dismissed sometimes. Wisdom has been brought to them over the years, but knowledge can and sometimes should be corrected. Right? What was correctly accepted at the time may no longer apply today. Moreover, it cannot just be the elders that take every Facebook headline and video as actual news, right?

During Our Time.. (Noong panahon namin..)

This trait is commonly characterized by someone ahead of your generation. It keeps comparing some things and the so-called “truths” of their time with the younger generation. Whenever there’s something that differs, they see it as something “not right.”

For instance, older people say thatthe younger generation is “very sensitive” because they genuinely experienced worse during their time. Why is it toxic? It usually disregards the fact that what worked before may no longer work now. In addition, it is typically a way to invalidate someone else’s feelings.

You Can Really Do It (Kayang-kaya mo naman eh)

The toxic expectation of giving and providing just because you really can. Most Filipino people usually understand the idea that helping family members is something they should be glad to have the opportunity to provide and give, but they also need to look out for themselves, as well, because not everything around you can be a handout. Yes, there is a payoff with helping others to the recurrence they ask for it: You risk holding out for your own growth.

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Why Don’t You Be Like..( Bakit ‘di mo gayahin si..)

This trait is characterized by being reprimanded for something. They want you to follow someone who shows what they are looking for. So, in the end, you get compared to someone. For example, a parent scolding their third son for not having a high grade in school and telling him to be like his older brother, who always lands on the honor list.

So, why is this toxic? There is an opinion that you are inferior to the person you are compared to you in that perspective. It reduces the fact that each has its own uniqueness.

Where Are The Grandchildren? (Nasan na ang mga apo?)

No further explanation is needed for every Filipino in this. However, marriage and having children are still considered an integral part of life in some families. I know someone who had an aunt complaining during their family reunion that there were not enough children running around; she then asked why the next generation in the family was not as extensive as she thought it would be today.

However, their need to have grandchildren is not something they should feel obligated to meet. Furthermore, they somehow always only pressure relatives of child-bearing age that are not their own kids.

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Seniority Does Not Always Make You Right (Bawal Magtuwiran)

Just because you are old does not mean that you are right. Needless to say, the more experienced people get smarter, but it’s not automatic. They should remember that elderly people are also human beings, so they are bound to make mistakes each time. So, to all parents out there, whenever you make a mistake, and your children call you out for it, do not get angry since they are finite.

However, everyone must remember that we should learn from our mistakes. There is actually a proper forum for telling elderly people about their mistakes. So, if the circumstances call for it, feel free to remind the elders of their mistakes, but of course, with respect and the intention to educate.

What Do You Mean You Wanna Rule Your Own Life? (Leaving Your Parents House At An Early Age)

In other countries, they expecttheiroffspring to leave home when they grow up, specifically at the age of 18, but Filipino families keep them for the rest of their lives until they are taken away by marriage and taken elsewhere. And even if it is perfectly fine living with their parents (to think, it’s less expensive), they still hold it over their heads that they live under their roof—which means following their own rules. My.House.My.Rules. So, the usual question they ask is, “when are we truly free to be our very own person?”

Passion (Pressure of Taking Popular Jobs)

That makes nothing here in the Philippines! No matter how good you are at creative skills, your parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, and all their neighbors may be advising you to consider a degree or career that applies to sciences. Their logic is surely intact; it is no secret that the lawyers, nurses, engineers, and doctors of us probably take home more bread (money). But we all know there’s a world to be explored ahead of these routes. There are actually jobs now that were not even an option when they were young, and they would not know how to approach, explore or understand them.

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Conclusion | Final Thoughts

Under the toxic behaviors in Filipino families: how they view politics, hownumb theyget when the trend settles down, how they have been raised to just accept situations and things as they really are, the debatable feature of resiliency—and, if you ask a Filipino, it is that last bit that needs correcting; it’s the catalyst they need to change the rest of it.

Not only do we know that things have to change and the courage to point it out, but it is also the way they present themselves as well. Just because these toxic expectations are dug into their culture does not mean they should disrespect those that propagate them. Instead, you need to approach some sensitive topics sensitively, correct? Everyone needs to make it like they are still on the same team.

It will take an amount of patience on their part, especially for younger Filipinos…but they have actually been trained for this their whole lives. What better time to try to have a healthy discussion?

There are several ways someone can be toxic to you, but ultimately, it all boils down to these points—if they bring you down, hurt you or make you feel bad about yourself, mainly if they do it habitually, they are probably toxic. They’re not good for you. And this is truly a big challenge when it happens with a family member.

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FAQs

What toxic Filipino traits have surfaced in these modern times? ›

Toxic Filipino Traits
  • 1.) “ Bahala na” Attitude. ...
  • 2.) Procrastination or “Mañana Habit “ ...
  • 3.) Crab Mentality. ...
  • 4.) Lack of self- discipline. ...
  • 5.) Filipino Time.
11 Apr 2020

What are the different challenges that our Filipino families are facing today? ›

Disintegration of families, juvenile delinquency, domestic violence, substance abuse, dangers of drugs, ways to help children say "NO' to drugs, parental absenteeism, economic difficulties, absence of family goals and values, early sexual involvement, negative influence of media.

What is toxic family culture? ›

In toxic families, lack of trust results in children who live in fear of making mistakes. These children can't trust that their need to grow and learn will be nurtured rather than used against them. Spouses in toxic relationships accuse one another of indiscretions rather than believing the best in one another.

What is the negative effect of close family ties among Filipino families? ›

There are those children who become too dependent on the family and if the family is well-endowed with the means to support such children, the latter may become abusive and go into illegal activities such as drugs. In this case, the close family ties in some families may cause trouble to society.

What are some toxic traits? ›

Here are five red flags you're in a toxic situation you may need to address.
  • They gaslight or lie to you. ...
  • They don't apologize properly. ...
  • They don't understand how their behavior makes others feel. ...
  • They think they are superior to others. ...
  • They see themselves as a victim of their own behavior.
12 Jan 2022

What Filipino traits needs to be abolished nowadays? ›

As much as we hate to admit it, at some point in our lives, we have committed one or two Filipino bad habits listed below.
  • Filipino time. “Oo. ...
  • 'Balikbayan' mentality. You've heard of crab mentality, ningas kugon, mañana habit, and such. ...
  • Blatant disregard for others. ...
  • Clean up as you go. ...
  • Romanticizing struggles.
9 Sept 2019

What are the challenges that modern parents face that make parenting especially hard in the 21st century? ›

Emotional development and social media

We found concerns are concentrated in four areas: concerns for their children's social and emotional development; the impact of social media and technology; the general cost of living and housing affordability; and access to quality and affordable education.

What is the common family problem of Filipino children? ›

Poor families frequently suffer from hunger or malnutrition from which follow numerous health problems, particularly among children who are physically more vulnerable than adults.

What are the signs of a toxic family? ›

9 signs of a toxic family member or household:
  • They're abusive.
  • You feel depressed or anxious around them.
  • They're always criticizing or blaming you.
  • They're manipulative.
  • Punishment is unwarrantedly harsh.
  • The household or family member can be unpredictable.
  • They're dismissive of your needs.
14 Aug 2022

How does toxic family affect you? ›

Psychological Effects—Children who grew up in toxic families are more likely to have cognitive issues such as problems with memory, attention, and inhibition. They may be more susceptible to depression, anxiety, and other disorders. A higher chance of antisocial traits is seen.

What are the factors that influence the Filipinos to suffer more negative than positive traits? ›

Many factors contribute to the Filipino's positive and negative traits, namely: (1) the home environment, (2) the social environment, (3) culture and language, (4) history, (5) the educational system, (6) religion, (7) the economic environment, (8) the political environment, (9) mass media, and (10) leadership and role ...

What are the factors that influenced the Filipinos to suffer more negative than positive traits? ›

Many factors contribute to the Filipino's positive and negative traits, namely: (1) the home environment, (2) the social environment, (3) culture and language, (4) history, (5) the educational system, (6) religion, (7) the economic environment, (8) the political environment, (9) mass media, and (10) leadership and role ...

What are the negative traits that you want to change? ›

Some might help us be a better human being, while some unknowingly hamper our growth.
...
  • Pessimism. Being pessimistic is like being toxic to yourself. ...
  • Procrastination. ...
  • Being Oversensitive. ...
  • Being judgmental. ...
  • People Pleasing.
27 May 2019

What are the Filipino cultural practices that should never be tolerated? ›

We've listed a couple of them here:
  • Greeting people with “Tumaba ka!” Guys. ...
  • Using the word “bakla” as an insult. ...
  • Filipino Time. ...
  • No regard for rules. ...
  • “Pagpaparining” on social media. ...
  • Being too reactive, especially online. ...
  • “Bahala na” mentality. ...
  • Imposing your own traditions/beliefs on other people.
1 May 2019

What are the common Filipino traits? ›

Here are some of the common traits and values the country is known for:
  • The family. Filipinos are known to have strong family ties. ...
  • Humor and positivity. ...
  • Flexibility and adaptability. ...
  • Faith and religion. ...
  • Filipino hospitality. ...
  • Respect for the elderly. ...
  • Industrious attitude. ...
  • Generosity.
11 Apr 2022

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